I Couldn't Have Known
by CarverrEdlund
Summary: Billy's practical joke goes terribly wrong. One night changes numerous lives forever. Can you really forgive and forget? Can you really truly get over something? I changed chapter 6 a good deal. So check it out please. Dark in the middle chapters. WARNING. Sexual violence mentioned. ABANDONED
1. Chapter 1

Billy, Michael and Casey were sitting at their desks. Only Michael was actually doing work. Casey was reading and Billy was playing Solitaire on his computer when he said

"I'm thinking of playing a practical joke."

"What?" asked Michael

"I haven't done one in a while. I'm long over do." Billy said being the joker that he was. It was one of his specialties along with finding humor in _any_ situation.

"On who?" asked Casey

"Rick. Who else?" Billy said

"You would have to do something big." Casey said intrigued but still in his regular monotone

"I'm not getting into this." Michael said and continued his work

"You're no fun." Said Billy to Michael and then turned to Casey and said "How about a fake kidnapping?"

"How would we do that?" Asked Casey intrigued

"Hire a few guys to fake abduct him, we come in, save him, and he's the butt of agency jokes for a_ long_ time." He said satisfied

"Naturally he'll try to fight them off." Casey said

"We'll make sure that he won't be able to, it's that simple!" Billy said and leaned back into his chair

"I know a few guys who owe me favors. I'll call them up." Casey said and got out his phone

A few hours later

"I've been waiting for hours, what did they say?" Billy asked eagerly as Casey sat down

"I was waiting for Martinez to leave. Anyway, my guys can't do it they are too busy; but a friend of theirs can." Casey informed

"He clean?" Billy asked

"Yah, he's all around good guy, said he won't rough up Martinez too much." Casey said

"When did he say he'd do it?" Billy asked

"He said he'd call us within a few weeks." Casey said as he started to do some work

"Okay." Billy said then he thought for a moment and said "He's that busy that he can't fake abduct someone. That'll take what, twenty minutes out of his day."

"Yah, he works for some big corporation I didn't care enough to listen." Casey said not looking away from his computer

A few weeks later

Rick was very late for work and wasn't answering his phone so they guys decided to pay him a home visit to see his wearabouts. They knew that he was home because the GPS in his phone said he was home. They also saw his car in the driveway.

_All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces_

They parked and knocked on the door. Michael called

"Martinez!" and knocked a few more times. _Bright and early for the daily races, going nowhere, going nowhere_

They bust open the door to find a disheveled living room and kitchen. Like someone fought in it or ransacked it. They look around and to see that Rick's car keys, phone, ID badge, and wallet were still on the kitchen counter. _Their tears are filling up their glasses, no expression, no expression. Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow, no tomorrow, no tomorrow._

They look down and see two parallel trails of blood that they follow to the bedroom. _And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take. When people run in circles it's a very very_

They see a destroyed bedroom, torn pillows, blankets thrown, and a good amount of blood on the left side of the bed on the sheets. _Mad world. Mad World. Children waiting for the day they feel good, happy birthday, happy birthday. And I feel the way every child should, sit and listen. Sit and listen._

Michael sees a yellow Post-it on the white sliding closet door next to some blood. He goes over, peels it off the wall and reads it aloud.

_Went to school and I was very nervous, no one knew me, no one knew me. Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson? Look right through me. Look right through me._

"Casey,

He's our bitch now."

_And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad_

"So, they were bad guys." Said Billy

"_You"_ Casey said and looked at Michael "You have to call Higgins. We're gonna need some help on this one."

"Why me? I didn't have anything to do with this plan and never really supported it." Michael said with the Post-it in his hand

_I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take_

"You're the team leader." Said Billy

"Everyone knows that's a title _on_ly." Michael said "Fine." And he takes out his phone

_When people run in circles it's a very very. Mad world. Mad world. Enlarging your world._

"Higgins. We fucked up." Michael said into the phone

_Mad World_.

Mad World by; Gary Jules

xx

I'm getting busy again so I'll try to put up the rest of the story. I'm also currently working on two other stories for How I Met Your Mother entitled Fate and The Wedding. Please check them out!


	2. Chapter 2

**Six months later**

Rick sat in a D.C. hospital and kept looking toward the edge of the bed trying to comprehend what had happened. When he wasn't looking there he was staring out the window at the beautiful sunny day. This was the first day in six months that he'd seen the sun. Much to his surprise Higgins kept on sitting near his bedside. Rick found it odd, awkward, and all together uncomfortable. Higgins was also being overly nice. Not only did this aggravate Rick but made him question his motives.

"Whenever you're ready you can return to the Agency." Higgins said

"Okay, thanks." Rick said

Higgins got a text and said "They're here. Want me to bring them in?"

"As much as I want to forgive them. I can't." Rick said a little ashamed

"You have every right to. I mean, after what they did to you." Higgins said

This sort of creped Rick out, Higgins was being, _real._

The guys rushed to the door only to find that there was a guard next to it. They went to go in but the guard said

"Sorry. You're not allowed to go in."

"Really, seriously. Does Higgins really think that this guy is going to keep us out?" Casey said and went to attack but was stun gunned in the chest.

"Anybody else want a taste of 1.3 amps?" Asked the guard, Billy and Michael shook their heads no and backed away. The guard continued "He should wake up in about ten to twenty minutes. You might want to get him checked out in case I accidently fried some of his organs." Higgins came out of the room and Michael asked

"Why can't we go in?"

"You should be smarter than that." Higgins remarked "He doesn't want to see you. Any of you. Ever."

"Not even me?" Michael said concerned "I wasn't even a part of the plan."

"Well you didn't do anything to stop them now did you?" Higgins snarked back "Where were you guys?" he then asked

"We were following a very promising lead in Saudi Arabia." Billy said

"As I informed you he was found in an elaborate underground cave not far from here." Higgins informed and started to leave "By the way you're all fired."

"Wait what?" Asked Billy and Michael

"I told you that if Martinez comes back with even a scratch you'd all be fired. Tell Sparky that when he wakes up." Higgins said and left.

Billy then remembered that meeting they had after Michael had called Higgins saying that they fucked up big time.

"_You what?" Asked Higgins not believing what he had heard_

"_We accidently got him abducted." Billy said again and Michael looked at him and corrected himself "It was Casey and me who got him abducted."_

"_How does one accidently get someone abducted?" Higgins asked wanting a very good answer_

"_My practical joke went wrong." Billy said. Not good enough for Higgins_

"_You're joke was to abduct Operative Martinez?" Higgins said sternly with a hint of anger_

"_No our plan was to fake abduct him. There's a difference." Casey said_

"_How was this plan of yours supposed to work?" He asked sternly_

"_Well, I came up with the idea and Casey hired the men. They were supposed to break in, try to abduct him and then we'd come in and save him making him the butt of jokes for a while." Billy explained_

"_They were supposed call us the night before and tell us what time to be there. The men I wanted couldn't do it so a friend of theirs said they could." Casey explained further_

"_Well they didn't and that man your friend hired is a new and upcoming assassin," Higgins said "and Operative Dorset, you knew that this was going on and you didn't try to stop it." _

_Michael didn't know what to say_

"_If he comes back with even as little as a scratch you are all fired." Higgins said_

_The guys looked appalled and surprised. They all wondered the same thing._

_Higgins read the looks on their faces and continued "Because you purposely put a fellow operative into unnecessary danger."_

Billy kept sneaking peeks into Rick's room and saw him just staring toward the edge of the bed. From his view Rick looked sad but fascinated by it. Casey started to awake and Billy said to him

"We've been fired."


	3. If You Only Knew

**WARNING- Just to warn you it's going to get dark in the next three chapters.**

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I was on holiday and didn't have my laptop.

A few months later

After the rest of the ODS was fired they tried to locate Rick with their new limited resources, but to no avail. They knew he was flying under the radar, probably with the help of Higgins. They went so far as Michael seducing Fay. That didn't work either.

xx

Rick woke up sweating and shaking, damn night terrors, he crawled out of his closet he put on a light jacket, sweats, sneakers and went to a bar. He sat down and ordered. Michael saw him for the first time since he attempted to at the hospital, he walked toward him and said

"Hey."

"Don't talk to me." Rick said not looking at him.

"Okay, I get it, Billy and Casey shouldn't have done that and I should've stopped them. We are all sorry. Now will you stop being a drama queen and give us our jobs back."

Rick chuckled, left some money on the bar and left with Michael right behind him. Michael didn't notice that Rick's walking was a little off, and it wasn't because of the booze.

"Come on, Martinez!"

Rick turned around in the middle of the road and said calmly keeping his cool

"There was once a time when I trusted you with my life."

"You know what, shit happens, sometimes bad shit, you just have to grow up and deal with it," Michael said pissed off

Rick chuckled, turned around and as he was leaving he said just loud enough for Michael to hear and with no emphasis "If you only knew."

At first that didn't faze Michael, but within an hour he wondered what happened to Rick.

X

Later Michael was at his place with Casey and Billy when told them about his encounter Michael said

"That's why I think that something very bad happened and that's why he won't talk to us."

"What do you mean by bad? Like torture bad?" Casey asked

"Yah." Michael said

"How would we find out?" asked Casey

"Where do you go when you have issues?" Michael asked knowing the answer "A psychiatrist." he finished

"Cause you know we can totally find out which one he goes to with our unlimited resources." Billy said sarcastically

"Even if we do find it, we won't have access to it. It'll probably be sealed off liked everything else." Casey said

"That's the problem." Michael said trying to think of a plan.

"How about a simple old fashioned following." Casey suggested

"The last few times we tried that he never came home." said Billy

"How about we try again." Michael said and they were on their way

X

The next day, a little before one in the afternoon outside of HQ

"Okay he's leaving." Michael said

Billy turned on the car and discreetly followed him. They followed him to a tall building. Casey found out that it was one of a psychiatrist. He walked out about an hour later.

Casey said "Okay now that we know where he goes I'll break in there tonight, find the psychiatrist, and clone his file."

X

The next morning, Michael's place

"Did you get the file?" Billy asked eagerly

"Even better." Casey said satisfied

"What could be better than that?" asked Michael

"Auto tapes of each session." Casey said and sat the tape recorder on the table

"Wow!" Billy said "Jackpot much?"

They pressed play and the psychiatrist said her name, Dr. Jane Sweets, who was about 30 years old. She also said the patient's name and some other psychiatrist jibber jabber.

Xx

The auto tape

"Hey Rick. How are you doing today?"

"Better than yesterday not as good as tomorrow." Rick responded "You aren't the first one I've been to. You're the first one that doesn't creep me out or make me feel even more paranoid, I feel I can actually talk to you."

"That's good. Why are you rubbing your legs. Do they hurt?"

"They can't hurt if they're not there."

The guys all looked at each other in surprise and with an all fuck look. After the general shock wore off Michael paused it put his head in his hands and said

"O my God. I acted like a total dick last time I saw him."

"What did you say?" asked Casey acting like a concerned parent

"I said that bad shit happens and we have to grow up and deal with it and called him a drama queen."

"You're right." Billy said "You were a total dick."

"How was I supposed to know?" asked Michael.

X

The auto tape

"How did you lose your legs?" she asked

"I know who put me in this whole situation to begin with," Rick said not wanting to remember.

"Who?"

"My former colleagues. Their practical joke went wrong. That sounds so stupid to say."

"I'm sure they didn't try to purposely hurt you. You should reconcile."

"Reconcile!" Rick said with anger "Reconcile! An, I'm sorry, isn't going to fix this one! They ruined my life! I was-" he stopped, he calmed down and said "I don't think I could ever look at them the same way again. I could _never_ trust them with a plant let alone my life."

"You were what, Rick, what happened?"

"I really don't want to talk about it. I'm not ready,"

"Whenever you're ready."


	4. Lost Innocence

The auto tape

"I want to start from the beginning if I can."

"Certainly, one question, how many attackers did you have?"

"Three in the beginning, but after I was abducted there was only one."

"Okay."

"You know, "I look at my life and who I am and…I'm too far gone…I'm broken."

"No one is too far gone or broken. They just need a little help getting back. You know that you won't be just like you were before the abduction, but you'll be much better."

"I know that. One of my former colleagues once said to me a few weeks after I've started working at the agency. "We live in a world where a man has to be able to defend his life at a moment's notice using only his wits and what lies within reach." I'd thought that would only be needed in the field. But, I was wrong. I was cleaning up my kitchen after dinner when I heard someone at the door. I asked who it was…"

_Three men in black burst his door open before Rick could open it and started to attack. One of them started to punch Rick while he punched the man in the knees and he fell to the ground. The second man punched Rick in the back of the knees while Rick was making sure he had the third man. Rick was outnumbered and was less experienced with hand-to-hand combat. They fought through his living room and Rick ran to his bedroom to get his baseball bat or gun, whichever happened to be closest. He was looking for his gun when one of the men stabbed him in both legs, he fell on the bed but bounced up and started to knock the first guy's head against his closet door, he started to bleed but didn't go down. Then, he felt a needle in his neck and the lights went out._

X

Next week's auto tape

"Hi"

"Hello, how are you doing."

"I'm better," he answered "You'll be happy to know I haven't slept in my closet for a few days."

"Why did you do that?"

"That's the only place where I feel safe. I feel I can put all the locks on my door as I want but people can still get in. That's probably from the people I worked with. I feel that if I'm in a place where no one would really guess a grown man would sleep, I'll be safe."

"But you're getting better."

"Yes."

"Tell me what happened after you were drugged."

"I woke up…"

_ Rick woke up with metal restraints that were chained to a bar installed in the wall. He looked around him, thick brown dirt walls and floor; he knew he was in a cave, but where? How longed was he out? Did the rest of the gang know he was gone? These some some of the million questions running through his mind. He saw a brunette white male came through an iron door with a small box. Rick wondered what that box would be used for. The man said_

"_Hey! You're up, I was starting to think I gave you too much!" he said jokingly "I know what you're probably thinking, so no I'm not telling you where you are, how long you've been out, and no I don't give a rat's ass what you do for a living." The pretty much summed it up. Rick was trying to decode the man's accent, thinking there might be a link. Rick kept no expression on his face, he wasn't that good at being witty so he thought he shouldn't say anything at all. The man continued "Oh and my accent has nothing to do with where we are." Rick didn't know whether to believe it, he then thought he shouldn't believe a word that came out of his mouth. The man continued "Your colleagues contacted me and wanted me to abduct you. They still don't think that you have what it takes to survive in your line of work, so they decided to have you go out with a bang, literally. They said that they didn't care what I did just as long as I took care of the problem. So I thought that we'd have some fun first." Rick was preparing for what would happen next. He braced himself but the man kept talking "They contacted me a few weeks ago; I like to get to know my clients before I take them out." He said and dumped he contents of the box on Rick's lap. It was creeper pictures of him, going to work, at work, coming home, him a home, him with his mother, him with the guys, and him by himself. _

"I'm sorry to stop you, but we're out of time." She said to Rick

X

The next auto tape

"Hello."

"Hi, Rick. You called for an early appointment, what's wrong?"

"I was walking down the street,and I saw a man that looked just looked just like _him_."

"How did you feel?"

"Petrified, helpless, all those feelings came rushing back."

"I have a question,"

"Ask" Rick said

"If you were abducted on a mission, would you hate your former colleagues this much?"  
>"No, because it wouldn't have been their fault, they purposely put me in this position,"<br>"I'm sure they didn't try to hurt you."

"Doesn't matter, they ruined my life! I was-"

"You ready to talk about it?"

"No, not yet."

"Whenever you're ready. Are you ready to tell me what he did to your legs?"

"I think so,"

"Good, you're making progress."

"He came in…"He told her how he was tortured, some of the ways, physiological warfare, weapons, being beat up; drugs.

It was hard for the three to listen because even though they were very tough men. They were protective of their youngest member, he was like the son that they never had. They hated that something so innocent took the worst possible turn. Michael felt horrible that he didn't stop it before it started, Billy felt awful for coming up with the whole idea, even Casey felt bad for hiring the men.

_One time he came in Rick was still off his game from the beating he came in and he injected him with something. Within mintutes his legs were throbbing._

"Picture your foot going to sleep. Now multiply that by about a million, now times that by two for both legs. That's how it felt. Turns out he stopped the blood circulation in my legs. I want to forgive them and put this whole thing behind us and move on, but I can't, I can't find the strength to do it."

"Forgiving is hard, do you think that time will heal it."

"It's been a few months since I got home and I really feel as much apathy for them now as I did then."

"You used apathy instead of hate. Why did you use that word?"

"I once heard this quote, and now I can't find it more true, "The opposite of love is apathy, and hate is really the same as love. If you're so consumed by hatred for someone, you might as well be loving them, because you're thinking about them for the same amount of time." So apathy is great dislike but you don't give a flying fuck about them."

"Interesting" she said

X

The next tape

"Hello, Rick"

"Hi."

"How are you doing?"

"Remember that thing I wasn't ready to tell you?"

"Yes"

"I think I'm ready."

"Good"

Casey, Billy, and Michael got closer to the tape recorder in odd fascination.

Rick took a few deep breaths and started "He… He…" he took a few more breaths

"Do you need a minute?"

"No." he said and took a final deep breath before saying it "He… He… He raped me."

The guys looked at each other with a shocked oh fuck look. They have all been tortured at one time or another, but _never_ even close to that magnitude. A little bit later, when the overall shock wore off Billy, turned to Michael and said "You were right about what you said earlier."

"The guy was so innocent." Michael said

"And he had it taken away in the worst way possible." Casey said

She then asked Rick "How many times?"

"I don't know, I lost count."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Violated, helpless, hopeless, petrified. The torture kept on getting worse, till this. I kept on being strong, trying to show that anything they did didn't break me. Untill the  
>rapes. Then, they finally broke me. I couldn't let them know though, because I knew what happens next."<p>

"What?"

"They slowly and painfully kill you. I kept on thinking, "_Any minute now, Casey's gonna bust down the door with Billy and Michael and everything will be okay."_

Tears filled Billy's eyes but he contained them

Rick continued. "But whenever I thought that, a little thought in the back of my mind said that they wouldn't come. It was right."


	5. Chapter 5

**Review and you'll make my day. Without you guys, I don't know if I'm doing well or not.**

The next tape

"Hey, Dr."

"Hello, Rick"

"What happened after the rape?"

"Torture kept on happening, for a while, I'm not sure how long, until, I escaped."

"Tell me about that"

The guys leaned in closer once again in odd fascination, wanting to know what happened next.

"Well, he…"

_He came in with a hammer. Rick wondered what he was going to do with it. He came closer, Rick wanted to flinch but didn't, he put down the hammer and undid the restraints, he heard a noise, he turned around, Rick grabbed the hammer and started to bash it into his skull. He was going on pure adrenaline._

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I have no clue, but if I had to guess, at the very least thirty."

_When Rick finally stopped, he looked at the blood on himself and looked at the blood oozing out of his attacker's head. He tried to get up, but his legs fell from under him, he searched the body for a cell phone, no such luck. He then tried to crawl out the door and out from the underground cave, when he reached the outdoors, it was night and the cold air seemed to smack him in the face. He crawled thinking that there had to be a hiking/walking etc., trail nearby. He was afraid to yell for help because he was afraid that the other two attackers where nearby and would catch him. _

"How long did it take you to find help?"

"Two days."

_Rick leaned himself on a tree trunk, he then heard people laughing, he thought he was hallucinating but he tried it anyway, as he got closer he heard people talking, he then saw a couple on what looked like a picnic from a far, he started to yell for help. _

"I was very close to being dead when I finally found help."

"How did you find the strength to go on?"

"Pure adrenaline." He answered

"You said you thought that your former colleagues would never come was right, explain that."

"I was never rescued, I saved myself."

Billy then remembered when they were looking for Rick.

_The ODS were in there office, just staring at their evidence, they got a tip that he was in Germany, they were going to go there when Casey brought up a good point _

"_What if this is just another false lead, he's been sending us on a wild goose hunt for the last three fucking months."_

"_If it is a real lead then we'll find, Martinez." Michael said not taking his eyes off the board with the evidence._

"_I'm going and I don't give a shit whether I go alone or not." Billy said as he started to leave_

"_Wait," Michael said and looked at Casey "We're in too." As they were leaving they were called into Higgins's office. He said_

"_You can stop the search."  
>"Why?" Asked Casey<em>

"_Did you find him?" asked Michael_

"_No, because this was turned from a search and rescue to a search and recover."_

"_What?" Asked Billy very upset_

_Before anyone else could get a word in Higgins said "Because he was abducted by an assissan and it has been three months. It would be foolish to carry this on any longer. I'm very sorry." _

_Then Michael said "Carson Simms."_

"_What?" asked Higgins confused_

"_You thought he was dead too. It's his story all over again." Michael said and they left before he could respond. They went to Germany, as Casey predicted the lead was false. Michael saw the hurt and sorrow in Billy's eyes. He went over to him, put his hands on his shoulders and said "We'll find him, dead or alive, we __**will**__ find him." And Billy walked away, but he heard Billy mutter "Hold on Rick, we're coming, just hold on a little bit longer." And that brought tears to Michael's eyes but he contained them. They never found him._

X

One night Casey went to clone the next tape when he was in the drawer looking around for the tape but he couldn't find it.

"Looking for this?" Casey recognized the familiar voice and saw Rick sitting in a chair not far from the desk where he was looking and twirling the tape through his fingers.

"How did you find out?"

"Haven't you learned to always put things right back where you found them?" Rick asked and Casey remembered he heard someone coming last time he cloned a tape and just threw it back in the drawer and forgot to lock it.

"I'm sorry" he tried

"Well you got what you wanted, now you know _everything, _and in graphic detail too!" he said snarkily

For once Casey didn't know how to respond and Rick got out his phone and dialed a number

"Who are you calling?" Casey asked

"The Feds" he responded

"What for?" he asked confused

"Accessory to kidnapping" Rick responded

"You wouldn't do that!" Casey said thinking he called his bluff

"You really think I wouldn't. You know everything, but what you don't know is how much I would _love_ to see you behind bars."

"They wouldn't persue this case."

"Really, you're not a operative anymore, even if you were, this was something you did on your own time, therefore making it able to be tried in court.

"You won't have a case."

"Really, I think that my testimony, these tapes, and Higgins's testimony would land you all in jail for _a very, long _time." Rick said and pressed send. Casey muttered

"You're bluffing"

"Hi, Agent Burke, I have a case to report." Casey still didn't think that he'd go through with it "Yes, accessory to kidnapping. Actually I know my assailants, their names are Casey Ma-" Casey lunged forward grabbed his phone and threw it at the wall and some of it shattered.

"See, I would do it." Rick said

X

The next morning at Michael's place, Casey came in with an, ah fuck, look on his face

"What's wrong?" Asked Michael

"We're screwed." Casey said

"What do you mean?" Asked Billy

"When I went to clone the next tape, Martinez was there." Billy and Michael got a deer in headlights look on their faces; Casey continued "He called the Feds on accessory to kidnapping charges. I stopped him before he could say our names."

"Great, so now he's blackmailing us." Michael said

"Well isn't that just fucking dandy." Billy said


	6. Rush

**7/16/12: **

**So I changed this chapter some. It probably still sucks balls but here it is. Please review if you have any feedback. It would very much be very much appreciated. Because I'm not getting any feedback or readers and I'm basically about to give up. I'm very discouraged. So if anybody wants to read more please let me know. Also as I said I would love to know what I'm doing wrong and how to improve. Have a great day! :)**

**Also I almost forgot, check my profile for future chapter titles on all my fics!**

* * *

><p><strong>Five Years Later<strong>

They hadn't heard from Rick since Casey saw him and they considered that a very good thing. They all moved on with their lives, they knew that their spy days were over. Michael went back to med school and became a pediatrician, Casey became a cop, and Billy went back to the motherland and single handedly ran the family Scotch company, which happened to be the largest Scotch company in the U.K.

Billy was at Edinburgh Airport in Scotland and was going to get something to eat before his flight to London when he swore he saw Rick with a woman and two young children. He thought he was just seeing things and got in line at a restaurant. He then saw the man he thought looked like Rick get up and as soon as Billy saw his face, he knew it was Rick. Rick headed toward the line Billy was in, Billy turned around to leave but he knew he was caught when he saw Rick staring at him surprised. Billy walked toward him and said a friendly

"Hello there."

_How's life? Tell me, how's your family? _

"Hi" Rick was very curt with Billy

_*awkward silence*_

_You've been good, busier than ever. We small talk, work and the weather. __**Your guard is up and I know why.**_

"So"

_*awkward silence*_

"Yah"

_*awkward silence*_

"What brings you here?" Asked Billy who was being very friendly

_**Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind. You gave me roses and I left them there to die.**_

"Returning layover was delayed" Rick replied still being curt. They could've addressed the elephant in the room, but they didn't.

_So, this is me swallowing my pride standing in from of you saying I'm sorry for that night and I go back to December all the time._

_*awkward silence*_

"So, um, I saw you with a woman and kids are they?" Billy thought that would open a conversation and put an end to this awkwardness.

"Yah," he replied not changing his attitude, "What are you here for?" "Business," Billy replied thinking Rick would ask what kind of business and maybe that would end the awkwardness.

"Oh" Rick replied,

_*awkward silence*_

"I quit at the agency." Rick said. This took Billy by surprise. He asked interested

"Why?"

_**You gave me all your love and all I gave you was, goodbye**__._

_So, this is me swallowing my pride standing in from of you saying I'm sorry for that night and I go back to December all the time._

"I need a steadier job after the twins were born." Rick said

"Oh, their twins," Billy said fascinated, thinking Rick would talk more about them. He didn't.

_*awkward silence*_

_Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming. But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right._

"I need to get back." Rick said and turned to leave when Billy said

"Call me." He knew it was a long shot but he thought he should try it

"Goodbye, Billy." Rick said and went back to his family.

_**I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't. So if the chain is on your door, I understand.**_

_This is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night, and I go back to December all the time._

When Rick got back to his wife, Megan asked,

"Who was that man you were talking to?"

"No one important" Rick replied and turned his attention his son and daughter.

"Tell me, who was it?" Megan asked sternly wanting to know

"It was a former colleague." Rick said and focused on his son. Megan knew about her husband's past and understood.

"How was it?"

"Awkward." Rick said, "Very, very awkward."

"When was the last time you spoke to him?"

"The night it happened before I left work. I said goodnight and that I'd see them in the morning, never thought I wouldn't." He said and focused once again on his son.

"I'm glad you cut them out of your life." Megan said and picked up her daughter from her high chair.

"Me, too" he said and looked at his son and said "Me too."

* * *

><p>Casey got home late one night and saw a Post-It on his door, he peeled it off and read it<p>

"Why aren't you at work?

Rick" For once in a while, Casey smiled.

Michael came home after a long day, he saw a Post-it on his door, he peeled it off, and read it

"Get back to work!

Rick" Michael smiled

Billy walked into his huge office and his receptionist said "Here, I was told to give you this message while you were away," as she handed him a bright pink Post-it. Billy read it

"Get back to the U.S. and do your job, asshole!

Rick" Billy smiled and chuckled

They all gathered again in Higgins's office catching up. After they moved on they really never spoke. Higgins came in and Michael asked

"Where's Rick?"

"He's not coming back." Higgins said and sat down at his desk

"What?" asked Billy "He called us all back."

"He gave you your jobs back. That's it. Don't think that everything between you guys is fine. It's not."

The guys went to their office to see Blank sitting at a desk and they all looked confused and Michael asked

"You're _still_ here?"

"Why yes! Why wouldn't I?"

"Because all you do is cost the agency money." Casey said and went to his desk

"Still haven't got assignments huh?" asked Billy

"Well, no, but- Why are you here?"

"We got our jobs back. Now scram." Casey said and the other two went to their desks and Blank left.

"First assignment, get Martinez back," Michael said.

"Or at least be able to get him in the same room without him wanting to call the Feds on us." Casey said

"That'll work," Michael said

* * *

><p>They found out where Rick worked, which was a higher up at a computer software development company.<p>

They walked into his office with Rick still looking down at his work

"The desk suits you." Rick recognized the familiar brogue, looked up, and said

"What the hell do you want?" Rick asked.

"We need you to translate this," Michael said and sat a laptop on desk and played the Arabic audio.

"There are seven other translators within walking distance. Now go."

"If we wanted them then we would've went to them." Casey said looking around the office

"Why are you here?" Rick asked continuing his attitude

"You give us our jobs back and expect us not to harass you," Casey said

"I'm hurt," Billy said turning from the window.

"Yes, Connie, could you get the Feds on the phone. Thanks." And Billy hung up the phone and said

"Fine, we'll leave." And they left.

The next day

"How are you today?" Billy asked as the three barged into Rick's office

"Why can't you leave me alone?" Michael picked up a picture of Rick's infant twins on his desk and said

"Your kids look a lot like you." He said and put the picture down and Rick said dead serious,

"Come near my family and I'll kill you."

"Aww, that's cute," Casey said and chuckled. They left completely on their own that day.

They kept on doing this until one day

"Hey!" Billy greeted cheerfully as they all flocked toward his desk.

"I know the purpose of these visits," Rick said

"What?" asked Michael

"To get me back to the agency. A spy is only good for two kinds of people, single, and not wanting to have a family. I'm neither. So leave and never come back."

"Yesterday we took down a corrupt Middle Eastern government, gave it a new leader and returned hope to the citizen's hearts. What did you do yesterday?"

"I had a great day with my kids. Noting can beat that."

"Whatever happened to the little innocent spy that ate a scorpion, kidnapped a guy from a public restroom? Didn't you just love the _rush_ of what you did?" Billy charmed

"Yes, but I have a wife and family now. I need a steadier job." Billy knew that he had him on the edge.

"We could make it so you could have a regular dinner with your family every night." Billy convinced

"I would need to talk to my wife, who will not agree." Rick said who went back to being curt then asked "How would you do that?" just to see what Billy could make up next.

"We'll work something out," Billy tried and gave him his award-winning smile.

"Leave" Rick said not changing his curt attitude.

* * *

><p>That night he was lying in bed with Megan and he said<p>

"They came again today."

"Why?"

"They want me to come back."

"Do you want to go back?"

"Yeah, but, I have and the twins to think about. I have to be able to be _here_ and support us."

"What about my job?"

"That job was so demanding, only a single person could work there. Here I'm home every night and at a very reasonable time."

"I'm sure that they could work something out."

"Are you pressuring me to do this? Two weeks ago you were glad I cut them out of your life and now you're trying to convince me to do it. I'm confused."

"I want you to be happy." She said and looked down at the book in her hands and said snidely "If you want to work with traitors that's perfectly fine with me." Rick sighed and was thinking about it. He remembered when he was little and that's all he wanted to do. The two things that were holding him back were his commitment to his family and wanting to be present in his children's lives, and that he couldn't trust the people he worked with.

* * *

><p>The next day<p>

Rick was at work typing away on his computer when his phone vibrated. He read the new text message:

_We have a case. Meet us at Market Café. Come if convenient._

_-Billy_

Rick put down the phone, ignoring the message, and went on with his work. A few minutes later, it vibrated again.

_If inconvenient, come anyway._

_-Billy_

Rick ignored the message again and went back to work. A few minutes afterwards, his phone vibrated again,

_Could be dangerous. _

_-Billy_

Rick looked at the text, thinking. As he got up, grabbed his jacket off his chair and grabbed his phone off the desk he muttered "Damn it."

He walked to the outdoor café, which was only a few short blocks away from his office. He saw the guys sitting at a table.

"Hello, Rick." Michael greeted.

"What's the case? Why do you need me?" Rick asked getting right to the point.

"There's no case. We just said that to get you here," Casey said. Rick sighed and turned to leave.

"We need you. We worked great as a team." Michael pleaded.

"Why would I go back?" Rick asked them.

"Because you love it," Billy observed, "You miss it. You are trying a mundane life, but it's not working."

"How do you know that?" Rick asked curiously.

"Because we said dangerous, and here you are." Michael observed slightly turning his head to the side.

Just then, a few men walked toward them with some men with rifles behind them.

"Why hello gentlemen!" Billy greeted "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

One of the three men pulled out a badge and said "I'm Special Agent Malloy," he points to his colleagues and said "This is Special Agent Burke and Special Agent Stevens."

"What do you what?" Casey asked

"Casey Malick, Michael Dorset, William Collins, you are all under arrest for accessory to kidnapping." Malloy said and started to cuff them.

"What the hell did you do, Martinez?" Casey asked pissed

"I didn't do anything! I didn't call them!" and Rick sat there alone in shock, he wondered who could've called the Feds.

* * *

><p>Back to December- Taylor Swift<p>

I hope you enjoyed this. At least a little bit. You may have also picked up on a Sherlock reference or relation. There'll be a few in there. Lol, I love that show. You should check it out, it's on BBC. So yeah.

Please reader, may I have some more, reviews and alerts.


	7. Not Above The Law

**Review and you'll make my day! I **_**really **_**want to know how I'm doing and what you guys think! I also wanted to say I don't know law and I'm sorry for any errors.**

Jail Meeting Room

Billy, Casey, and Michael were meeting with their attorney, Allison, when Rick came in and asked the attorney

"Is there anything I can do to stop this?"

"Sadly no, once something like this gets rolling, no one can stop it. The D.A. wants a conviction yesterday."

"Why are you here?" Casey asked Rick.

"Because I want to help you. You're guilty as hell but I want to raise reasonable doubt."

"Why?" asked Michael.

"I have no idea," Rick replied a little confused.

Billy then got back to the matter at hand and asked "How much time are we looking at?" not expecting long.

"Well, based on the high profile victim and the injuries he sustained, you very well could be looking at life in prison."

"WHAT!" the guys said in shock.

"We could _all _get life in prison!" Michael said stunned.

"Yes, all of you. You know how good the D.A. would look if he convicted three C.I.A. operatives. He's coming up for re-election and his whole campaign is that no one's above the law, so he'll go at this harder than anything he's done before," Allison said.

"Yeah well, we know who got us into this whole mess," Casey said pissed and looked at Rick.

"I didn't call them!" Rick exclaimed "I thought of all the people that could've called them. Higgins topped my list. I checked his phone records, when we were at lunch he called the Feds." Rick said and put the piece of paper on the table.

"Let's focus on the matter at hand. The D.A. wants this case on trial soon," Allison said trying to focus the men.

"What do you have on our case?" Billy asked and Allison said some lawyer speak and Michael asked

"What the_ hell_ does that mean?"

"A whole bunch of nothing," Allison replied frankly. "The D.A. made the trial for next week. Jury selection starts in two days. I recommend a deal."

"We won't take a deal!" said Michael

"With that I can probably get you twenty years with parole."

"No," said Billy and Casey agreed.

"The D.A. has a lot of witnesses that will bring you down to where I won't be able to defend you."  
>"Who's testifying?" asked Casey<p>

"First is Rick, then Higgins, then the arresting agents, Rick's psychiatrist, and a few specialists."

* * *

><p>Later that night Michael called Allison and wanted to meet with her, alone.<p>

"Why did you call?" asked Allison

"What can I do to help myself?" Michael leaned in and asked

"You want to go against Billy and Casey to save your own ass," Allison said

"Well. Yeah."

"I understand."

"What do I have to do?"

"Testify against them," Allison said simply

"What?" Michael asked a little stunned

"You testify against them saying that you were not a part of the plan and you're just pretty much being dragged along. In exchange I can probably get you a lighter sentence in a comfy jail than prison or maybe even witness protection."

"I won't need protection. I'll be fine."

"I once had a case where a guy flipped on his friends, refused protection, a week later his body was found slaughtered."

"Well I can survive."

"He was former KGB."

"I'll have to think about it," Michael reconsidered.

"Don't think too long, I'll have to meet with the D.A. very soon if you're going to do this."

Michael thought about the offer all night. In the morning he called Allison and said

"Let's do it."

"Alright you'll testify last."

* * *

><p>Megan and Rick were in their kitchen cleaning up after dinner when Rick said<p>

"I saw them today."

"Why?"  
>"I wanted to see if I could help."<p>

Megan turned around and said pissed "Why the fuck would you what to help them?"

"I don't know?"

"After what they did to you they should be rotting in prison!" and Rick sighed, "You should just show up, testify and see those fuckers get a long sentence! It's bad enough you work with them!"

"You said you were okay with it!"

"No! I was pissed and you knew it! I want you to be present in Sophie and Kevin's lives!"  
>"I still can be!"<p>

"Not when you're in God knows where all the time! You'll spend more time with them than with me!" Rick tried to get a word in but Megan went on, "You knew what that job entailed and you still took it! That's irresponsibility at its finest!"

"I get it, you're pissed that I want to help them."

"Pissed! Pissed doesn't even begin to describe!" Megan said and charged for the front door and Rick followed "I thought you were a bigger man than this." And she slammed the door in his face and Rick sighed and put his head in his hands. Later that night Rick couldn't sleep. Megan hadn't returned his calls and didn't come home that night. He assumed she was at her sister's. He then realized the reason why he wanted to help the guys.

* * *

><p>The next day. Jail meeting room<p>

Rick came to see Michael and said

"You know when you asked me why I wanted to help and I said I didn't know? I know now, I don't want to relive that again. I was never going to call the Feds. It just satisfied me that I had something over you. It made me feel in control of my life for the first time in a _very_ long time! I don't want to have to say what happened to me in front of an open court! It was hard enough saying it to my psychiatrist! I just want all this to go away so I can try to move on with my life as much as I possibly can."

"I took a deal," Michael said resentful not looking at Rick.

"What?" Rick asked surprised

"If I testify against Billy and Casey, I'll get either a lighter sentence somewhere else or protection."

"Why would you do that?" asked Rick

"Times like these. It's every man for himself."

* * *

><p>The Trial<p>

They had just done opening arguments. The D.A. was going for the angle that Billy, Casey, and Michael purposely tried to abduct Rick, while Allison was going for this was saying that this was just a joke gone wrong and the abduction was a coincidence. Rick was the first to testify. The D.A. asked him

"Before we get to what happened in the six months you were held captive. Can you identify the defendants as the people who set up you abduction?"

"No," Rick replied. The guys tried to hold in their shock.

"Remember Mr. Martinez, you are under oath. Are the defendants the men who got someone to abduct you?"

"If you know that the sky is blue and someone keeps on telling repeatedly you its green. Even the toughest and smartest of minds start to believe that it is green. Until you get back to your senses and realize that they were lying to you."

"So, what you're saying is that you started to believe what your abductor told you?"

"After a while, yes, yes I did." And before the D.A. could continue Allison said

"Due to this new evidence I call for a mistrial," and went on saying some legal terms. The judge thought about it for a moment and said

"I'll accept you motion. I call a mistrial. Court is adjured," and pounded his gavel.

* * *

><p>A few days later<p>

Rick just sat in the break room with this upset look on his face as the guys came in and Billy said

"Ah, positive vibes only in the break room, this is where we come to forget our troubles, and snack."

"Did you promise to get someone out of North Korea again?" Casey asked

"Because I broke the law to help you guys, Megan's filing for divorce," Rick said despressed and pissed at them

"What why?" asked Michael concerned

"Because I helped you. She now wants no part of me and is filing for divorce."

"You need a drink," Michael said and Rick nodded.

* * *

><p>Michael and Rick were having drinks<p>

"When Fay and I divorced I thought that I certain that I was going to be an old, lonely, CIA has-been that does nothing but take up time and costs money."

"So you were scared of being Blanke?" Michael chuckled and said

"Yeah."

"Who knew you guys could ruin my life twice." Michael drank the rest of his drink and motioned for another one. "Right when I get my life back you come and rip it away from me. You're a life squisher, you guys are like Pac-Man." Michael didn't get the train of logic there but didn't say anything. "I know that because of my job I will hardly ever see my kids." Rick said. A guy came by and asked Rick

"Richard Martinez"

"Yes,"

"You've been served." He said and gave his the brown envelope. Michael felt bad for Rick, he was served once and he knew how bad it felt. Rick opened the envelope and saw the divorce papers.

"Ah, divorce papers." He then looked through the papers and saw another set of papers with a Post-It and he was shocked.

"What?" asked Michael

"She left full custody of the twins to me," He then read the Post-It "Take the kids. I'll be traveling. Don't try anything to find me I won't come back." Michael and Rick sat in shock.

* * *

><p>I'm getting busy again so I'll try to put the rest on in a timely manner.<p> 


	8. It's Not What It Looks Like

**Finally we are out of the dark stuff and in to some humorous stuff! Review and you'll really make my day! :)**

Rick was going to Higgins' office to get a mission approved when he walked into his office he said

"Hey- WHAT THE-" Rick saw Higgins' having sex with his mother. Her dress, bra, and panties were on the floor and so were Higgins' pants, shirt, and underwear.

"It isn't what it looks like!" said Higgins and he and Rick's mom put their clothes back on. Rick stood there frozen, he didn't know what to say. "Okay maybe it is what it looks like."

"What the- how the- when did-" poor Rick couldn't finish a sentence.

"It was a very difficult time in your Mother's life." Higgins began

"OH MY GOD!" said Rick repulsed and he went back to his office.

After he left Rick's Mother said "So I guess we shouldn't tell him about the wedding."

He got back the other three were there and Rick grabbed the bottle of Scotch from the Scotsman's desk and started to chug it. He fell onto his chair still chugging. The other three were confused.

"What's wrong, Martinez?" asked Michael

"They-when I was- and I-"

"Use your words, Martinez," said Casey.

"Higgins-" Rick said and started to make sexual hand gestures. "Mom-"

"What are you saying?" asked Billy and tore the bottle from the Little Man's hands.

"I caught Higgins and my mom. They were" and he started to make sexual hand gestures.

"AHHHHHHLLLL!" They all said in repulse.

"Here," Billy said and gave him back the bottle.

"And they never told you?" Michael said and Rick shook his head.

"After all these years they never told you," Casey said and Rick shook his head.

"When did they start?" Asked Michael

"He said that it was a hard time in my mom's life. So when I was"

"AHHHHLLL!" They all said in the repulse. Michael then turned to Billy and said

"Well you were just beat out for causing the most traumatizing moment," and Billy gave him a look that said, was that really necessary.

"That's why you kept your job," Casey said

"What?" Asked Rick

"Well if after you came back if he fired you he wouldn't get _any_." Billy said trying to make the refernece clear and Rick took another gulp.

"So that's why we all have jobs. Thanks," Casey said and Rick gave him a look.


End file.
